It was Monday.I go to the hall every monday.I was tired after the exam.I was walking to the hall.I was lining up.And I was standing and hearing teacher’s advise.After that my teacher said”Eric you got num.1 in class.”I was so shocked and I said ”Wow!Thank you teacher!”Ok that is all don’t forget to see The Last Airbender in 3D.

I took Eric to watch the 3D version of The Last Airbender when it was released in our theaters last week. This was Eric’s first time watching a movie in 3D, although he claimed he’s watched 3D movies before. I explained to him that watching those Spy Kids DVD isn’t the same thing as this one, and that he needed to use a special pair of glasses to experience it properly. He insisted that he’s experienced the real deal, though, so I let it go.

We got our spiffy 3D glasses at the entrance of our movie theater at GSC Suria Sabah. As we waited, Eric was pretty calm and relaxed.

The show started with a 3-2-1 countdown in 3D. Eric almost jumped out of his seat in surprise. When the countdown ended, he exclaimed so loud, the whole theater could hear him say, “WOW! THAT WAS SO REAL!” I was half amused, half wanted to hide under my seat out of embarrassment — I’m sure the others in the theater were holding their laughter We left the theater with a huge grin plastered on Eric’s satisfied face, and he started imitating Aang’s every move once we arrived back home.

The Last Airbender is a great movie for kids, although the adults watching it may think the storyline was lame. What do you expect, coming from an adaptation of a Nickelodeon kids cartoon series of the same name? I certainly didn’t expect anything mind-blowing, since the series isn’t that great, either. Good, but not great.

(song “Total Eclipse of the Heart” playing in the car stereo)
Mommy: (singing) … nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart…
Eric: Wow, this song is good.
Mommy: Yeah.
Eric: I like this song.
Mommy: (driving)
Eric: I know the total eclipse of the sun, and the total eclipse of the moon. I know two eclipses.
Mommy: ???
—

When did I started teaching signing to Ezra? Oh, yeah, that was in late May, wasn’t it? Since Joel is still with his ah-po and ah-kung in Sandakan, I’ve been signing with just Ezra.

I’ve been pretty consistent with the following signs: more, milk, drink, eat, finish/no more, enough/that’s all and bathe/bath. I’ve been doing it every day with Ezra, but I thought Ezra would never get it. Until a few days ago, that is. Last Friday, he did the eat sign, which made me jump up and rush to get him something to munch on, just to show him that I understood what he wanted. And then last night, after finishing off a pack of crackers, he signed to me that he wanted more! Exciting! He also has less meltdowns lately. I think he finally understands that he can use all those gestures I’ve been showing him, and that it works both ways. I also find that he’s talking more as well. Speech is definitely improving. I’m able to understand him more now. Phew!

The only thing I regretted not doing when he did signs was that I didn’t get excited enough. Showing excitement does encourage him to do things more. What can I say — I was too shocked when I saw it! I couldn’t react on anything but respond to what he wanted. I’ll make sure to give him more compliments the next time I see another baby sign.

There is a reason why I keep most of my blogs sounding strictly factual, focusing mostly on the goings-on of life. I hate being personal. It’s a rare occurence for me to blog about things that exposes my emotional well-being. I hate doing that. What I feel is none of anyone’s business but myself.

This isn’t to say that I don’t have the need to vent my feelings. I have plenty to write on that subject. But suffice to say, they are just too raw for me to share with anyone.

However, dealing with the diagnosis of Down syndrome has changed almost my entire outlook on life, more than I care to admit, and all in a matter of mere weeks. Things that I worried about or wished I had, now seem very petty. Even my professional focus in life is being shaken. “Ignorance” now has a whole new meaning to me.

So I need to vent this. Just once.

Like all other mothers with special needs children, I can’t help but ask, “why me?” Granted, each day gets easier for me, they really do. But there are moments when my anger and despair would seep through and I would get angry at myself, at God, and at everyone else around me, as if I’m facing this all alone. But I know this is actually just self-pity, and I’d just as quickly slap myself mentally out of it and continue on with life.

One thing I always thank God for is the Internet. I get so many uplifting and enlightening information from all the sites and resources out there to help me understand Down syndrome better. Reading the scriptures that were pointed out in God, Do You Care? gave me hope that Edry is meant for bigger things in life than I would ever fathom. Being a part of the DS community in the BabyCenter Forums has educated me about the real issues that parents with DS have and need to deal with daily.

But the earliest source that tugged at my heart was a short fictional story written by Erma Bombeck called God Chooses A Mom For A Disabled Child. It was as if I was being punched in the gut. Happy… impatient… feeling of self… independent… selfish. Those are words that describe me.

You see, after I had Ezra, I thought that that’s the end of it. Three kids are enough. Just as I have planned. And I was happy. I was working and well-paid, my children and my husband and I were healthier than ever, and we had almost everything we ever wanted. Just as I have planned.

And then Edry arrived. And my life turned upside down. Everything changed. Yet… everything is the same. It’s so hard to describe it.

Further down Bombeck’s story was even more self-revealing for me:

… “Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a ‘spoken word.’ She will never consider a ‘step’ ordinary. When her child says ‘Momma’ for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

“I will permit her to see clearly the things I see — ignorance, cruelty, prejudice — and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

Those words spoke directly to me. As much as I hate to admit it, those are the exact kind of things I wish to experience in my life. And I’ll take it whichever way I can.

Thank you, God, for blessing me with Edry.

And thank you, Edry, for giving my life meaning.

So now that I’m done telling you my sappy story, I assure you that you won’t be reading anything like this ever again. Ever!