Nowadays, Eric doesn’t only play computer games installed in my computer, but he also surfs his favorite TV channel’s web sites for the latest games, downloading other games from GameHouse and Reflexive Games and installing them (even taking the liberty to crack the demo games with a cracking software  his dad downloaded). And, (no) thanks to his dad, he’s even begun to browse YouTube for Batman and anime cartoons. He’s beginning to freak me out!

My worry doesn’t stop there. Me being a “fan” of torrent files, I sometimes end up looking at sites with content or ads that are, let’s say, rated R or above. I’m very wary when he’s around me when I do so, as he tends to peek from behind my shoulder and read whatever site I’m looking at the moment.

My increasing concern with the kinds of information he accesses from my computer made me on the look out for free software that filters out unwanted content off the Web and display only kid-friendly sites. I finally settled with K9 Web Protection from Blue Coat. Simply put, the Web filtering software will decide what sites can be viewed or not viewed based on their database that are both automated and manually rated by its own software users.

I’m sure the software will work; the only other thing I hope for from this software is that it won’t bog down my computer.

As much as I love my kids, I have decided on sticking to just three kids, full stop. So when I mentioned this to friends and relatives (whenever they ask when the next “one” is coming), their immediate reply was, “You don’t have any girls in your family, don’t stop yet!”

A boy? A girl? What’s the difference? Besides their obvious physical differences, I don’t see what the big deal is. So what if I don’t have a daughter? Are my baby boys any less cute? Are girls easier to take care of than boys? Are boys that less lovable? And, at the end of the day, who will be taking care of the kids? My friends and relatives?

They think it’s so easy bringing up kids? All children, whatever the gender is, still need a lot of attention, love, care, and sacrifice. I always remember what my mom said to me about having kids — it’s always fun and easy to have children around, as long as they’re not yours to care for.

I have little cousins and nieces and nephews where the girls are much more aggressive and impossible than my sons, so shouldn’t we instead emphasize on how to bring up our kids, instead of worrying what set of genitals they have? Shouldn’t we be grateful enough that we’re bringing up healthy kids who hopefully one day will become a success and be a part of a caring society?

So what if I don’t have a baby girl. I have three beautiful sons who never fail to brighten up my day. Besides, the doc said that if you want blame someone for not giving you a son or a daughter, then it should the husband

Now I am in my kampung Tuaran Labuaya. I have a cousin. His name is also Eric Ribuan and Eric noel is my name. He is 11 years old. I have my PS2 in the kampung. He doesn’t have a video game. His daddy doesn’t buy for him.

Taking care of a toddler and a newborn baby simultaneously is a nerve-wreaking experience to say the least. I’m even developing insomnia because of anxiety attacks I’m facing. Anxiety because I wanted to be alert at every sound Ezra makes. Every time I close my eyes, my brain goes into panic mode. I could feel my brain screaming, “Ezra’s gonna scream at any moment! Don’t sleep, don’t sleep!” All this is not helping my already sleep-deprived body.

Times such as these are what made me wish I was a working mother instead of stay at home mom. Being out of control is one of the things I fear the most for as long as I can remember. Being a mother means accepting that things are often, if not mostly, out of our control. Especially when our children gets sick. It’s heart-wrenching. Even if you install an air purifier to obtain fresh air by ecoquest international and prevent allergies, there are bound to be other things that they’ll fall sick over. And I can’t handle that reality, most of the time.

But I do my best. I sacrifice. That’s what mothers are suppose to do isn’t it?

I recently read a personal blog by Daphne Iking (a famous personality in Malaysia) journalizing her life as a new mom. The posts that caught my eye were ones where she talks about breastfeeding. I read the comments section of those posts as well, and am glad that her blog readers were still supportive of whichever path she chose to feed her baby daughter.

Why do some people become so judgmental over mothers who choose to bottle-feed or formula-feed their babies, instead of breastfeed (BF) or breast milking them? I believe 99.9% of mothers out there ideally would love to BF their children. Ideally. Realistically, however, breast feeding doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people, including myself. My damned inverted nipples have me resorting to expressing my milk (thank the Lord for electric breast pumps!), and between caring for my kids and managing the household, the only best time for me to pump is at midnight, which means that I’m sacrificing at least another hour of my already sleep-deprived life. Don’t start with me about those La Leche or similar groups that are suppose to help you with breastfeeding matters, because they’re not available in my country or anywhere close to my vicinity.

So it’s bad enough that non-breastfeeding mothers feel guilty over the inability to BF, but to have others, mostly total strangers giving us such a hard time with it is so uncalled for. Let us moms be moms and take care of our kids the best way we possibly can. And to the non-BF moms out there, remember that at the end of the day, it’s not those bashers and strangers who will be caring for your kids the rest of your children’s lives — it’s you. So go ahead, do what is best for BOTH yourself and your children. Your TLC is what’s going to make your children grow up to be a healthy, beautiful and loving children you hope them to be.