I don’t BF, doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids
I recently read a personal blog by Daphne Iking (a famous personality in Malaysia) journalizing her life as a new mom. The posts that caught my eye were ones where she talks about breastfeeding. I read the comments section of those posts as well, and am glad that her blog readers were still supportive of whichever path she chose to feed her baby daughter.
Why do some people become so judgmental over mothers who choose to bottle-feed or formula-feed their babies, instead of breastfeed (BF) or breast milking them? I believe 99.9% of mothers out there ideally would love to BF their children. Ideally. Realistically, however, breast feeding doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people, including myself. My damned inverted nipples have me resorting to expressing my milk (thank the Lord for electric breast pumps!), and between caring for my kids and managing the household, the only best time for me to pump is at midnight, which means that I’m sacrificing at least another hour of my already sleep-deprived life. Don’t start with me about those La Leche or similar groups that are suppose to help you with breastfeeding matters, because they’re not available in my country or anywhere close to my vicinity.
So it’s bad enough that non-breastfeeding mothers feel guilty over the inability to BF, but to have others, mostly total strangers giving us such a hard time with it is so uncalled for. Let us moms be moms and take care of our kids the best way we possibly can. And to the non-BF moms out there, remember that at the end of the day, it’s not those bashers and strangers who will be caring for your kids the rest of your children’s lives — it’s you. So go ahead, do what is best for BOTH yourself and your children. Your TLC is what’s going to make your children grow up to be a healthy, beautiful and loving children you hope them to be.
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Being a mother, the hows, whys and what-fors, is a personal matter to begin with. Inverted nipples or “fine nipples;” extenuating circumstances or none at all; desire to vs desire to NOT… ALL are valid reasons to choose whichever path ANY mother wants to choose regarding how and what she chooses to feed her child [granted, clearly, that it's sustainable to life and agreeable to the child].
The fact a woman put herself through 9 months of carrying the little tot, and then the birthing process, and nevermind the enitre mother nurturing, is already a leg up an any NON-mother so I’d really love for any mythical association between loving your kids vs not loving your kids depending upon “which milk comes where” to die the quick death it deserves to.
How asinine.
But as with many things, the general public feels it has some weird god-given authority to insinuate themselves into the private matters of women or mothers potentiate. [From conception to the raising of the kids.]
And the way I look at it. If women are so naturally inept at “it”; ergo deserving of the judgements, opinions, and beliefs of those otherwise not concerned in the slightest, then why has biology made it so WOMEN are the ones responsible for the biological processes of bringing a child into this world?
…and this…coming from a woman who has happily chosen a child-free life. So…I GET the entire “judgement” thing.
Best regards dear,
Comment by Samsara — 20 June, 2008 @ 8:03 pmSamsara
I had the same problem as you and only managed to BF my kids for a week (Eu) and nearly a month (Qi) with the help of pumps.
The worst was dealing with motherhood the first time and having people give me comments like “What a pity this baby didn’t get it’s mother’s milk” - WTF!
But as you said, we are the one “in charge” and we do the best given our circumstances and ability and hang those who thinks its not good enough.
Comment by Jewelle — 27 June, 2008 @ 11:04 am